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2022/2023 Journey

As I currently type this piece, I wish everyone who reads this a “HAPPY NEW YEAR” !!! May the new year bring you an exciting new chapter to your life, all sorts of new challenges and changes, and bring the idea of something new to your life. With every new year begins the journey of someone becoming something of being “brand new” which is fine in itself but I say it’s more about the adjustments you make as you go along this year which brings about a “new” you.

As for me, it’s been a good while since I have written a blog, and that is of my own doing for a variety of reasons: personal happenings, sticking to a schedule, life-altering events, and for better or worse, myself. If you, the reader, are reading this I apologize for not writing any sort of blog in the past 6-7 months. I have not completely been myself for a long period of time and I cannot lie it is a detriment to my own well-being (no, nothing suicidal) because I noticed I’ve become distant from things I usually do or people I easily could hit up with no issue. Everyday is a challenge when I get up trying to figure out how I can go about my day only feeling a sense of escape when I’m keeping busy either working or slowly getting back to my “old” self trying to do what I use to do as far as creative projects.

Lately I’ve been getting back in the habit of gaming (not as much as I did as a kid/teenager) but it’s coming along again since I’ve (FINALLY!!!) gotten the PS5!!! I’m not up in arms and shouting for glee that I got it but it requires just enough of my attention to justify playing aside from the pricey games. I’ve given it enough attention to keep on playing every blue moon or so often but not as much to distract me from everyday life happenings (I have a life outside of the PS5). Not to forget, I have been dabbling back into creating/editing videos to create vlogs, TikToks, and other forms of entertainment. It felt time consuming to me once upon a time but once I settled back into the groove of things and mastering patience it came to become a natural process again…..

(The 3 paragraphs above were written between January 2023 – March 2023. The next several paragraphs will haven been typed as of 08/17/2023 chronicling the timeframe from March 2023 to July 2023.)

WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN: I have never felt such a dramatic (kinda sorta) journey from 2022 up to this point in time currently and honestly it still feels so unreal to me. Last year, starting off the first few months of 2022: I lost/totaled my Ford Focus (not my fault) with a few payments left to pay it off, I caught COVID-19 which set me back with work and several plans (felt like death), FINALLY took a 2nd trip to Miami (fun but not long), lost a twin child but had another healthy boy (life event), and some other things that I can’t think of but the year was pretty eventful personally. It may not be that I can’t think of em but I guess reliving certain things in my head brings on unwarranted emotion and that sense of “what if” so I just acknowledge that it happened when it happened and understand that life continues. Sometimes I wish I could forget the year of 2022 like I did with 2018 but moving forward is the only realistic option that is ever present.

You wouldn’t even understand the mental toll I dealt with back then thinking all sorts of scenarios of what I could’ve done differently or how I should’ve been better in certain situations instead of the route I had already took upon myself. Could I have handled leaving my job from Target waayy better than I did? Of course I could have, that was a big risk in itself and going several months without consistent money but I made things work in the end even working a part-time job afterwards that paid way less but I made a way regardless. Hell, everyday I woke up I just thought to myself, “what am I gonna do today?” because I knew I had priorities to handle so I could’ve slept my days and stress away but nahh I bust my ass on Instacart and Uber eats to make up for what I didn’t have at that time and what the part-time job couldn’t cover entirely. I make a way I don’t go out looking for a way. All the ripping and running I did wasn’t necessarily the best because all that physical and mental fatigue sets in then I would’ve quitted on myself quite honestly even with the lack of a decent sleep schedule and only eating once or twice a day. Not how I pictured myself going about things but I learned to block out certain mental hindrances and kept that “I can still go” attitude which in all honestly is the only reason I work as hard as I do even though I needed rest (even now as I type this up). I really believe that my constant working or overworking was just an excuse for me to not deal with my depression (trauma/various happenings?) because I never wanted to spend any moment thinking of everything that happened and bottling those feelings was more self-harm mentally and internally than anything physically.

“Cause thoughts keep runnin’ through my head
I know I gotta be strong
Gotta hold on
Sometimes I’d rather give up instead
Seems like I’m better off dead” (Blackberry Molasses x Mista)

The lyrics above represented what I use to feel but not as much anymore. Giving up is the easy route but isn’t the way to go about life struggles even for myself. Sometimes I look back on days I use to consider hard or even long “how did I even make it to this point now?” because back then in then in the moment of those days I didn’t want do whatever I did then but I’m glad I made it through. If I would’ve gave up I wouldn’t have the things I got now nor would I have made any more memories/moments in my life but yes even the strong quiet people go through rough patches. I wished I asked for help but pride won’t let me, I wished I would’ve spoke up at times about my struggles but I rather do on my own by my own strength and volition, and take care of my own problems while trying to help the next person in need of help. I do understand that it is okay to ask for help when it is needed because not everything requires you to go through it alone when you know you have the support from those around you.

As of today, I have once again positioned myself to be in the best position possible: AFTER A YEAR LONG WAIT (with a little help) I finally got a car again that’s paid off (never know how much you miss a car till it’s gone), I have two jobs (one full-time and one part-time) which took some time and betting on myself to get them in which both aren’t too demanding on me physically and the scheduling is pretty nice to me, somewhere to lay my head and in the process of making it my own in due time slowly but surely. I’d be crazy to let things falter and lose all this progress I’ve been making for myself because it does take time and a focused mindset to stay dedicated to long-term goals especially when they pay off in the end.

I’ve always expressed the desire to be better than I was yesterday or better than I was last year, and it seems to be paying dividends for myself. It feels to good to bet on yourself and work hard towards the things you desire it shows how much you’re willing to go for something if you allow yourself to do so without hesitation. Hopefully the rest of 2023 will be kind and in earnest to me so I can continue to flourish as well as reap the benefits from the fruits of my labor.

Until next blog, take care. – Rel

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BLOG #6: A MONKEY ON MY BACK THE SIZE OF KING KONG

I’m mostly a quiet individual, never bother anyone, start trouble, or just go looking for trouble either too because that isn’t my M.O. Lately, I noticed that I’m always having an issue arise out of the blue almost blindsiding me like a sneak attack on my person, and I don’t like that not one bit. Sometimes I feel like trouble finds me, I feel like I find trouble, or karma tends to pay me more visits than naught. Whether me seeing how the trouble plays out or if it draws itself out longer than it should does mystify me but enough is enough. Let me list them out, shall I?

1. Inconvenienced out of a vehicle.                                                                                                               2. Guy wants (wanted) to fight me about his girl that I didn’t or don’t want.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             3. Feel as if I’m “trapped” or not doing for me.                                                                                                                                               4. Not caring as much as I use to do.                                                                                                                         5. Longing for peace internally and becoming "strong"                                                                                           (Note: I'll dwell into each bullet point/topic separately not too long and give clarity/resolution of each one.)
  • Inconvenienced out of a vehicle – Going car shopping is for the birds let me just say that for the record. Not as easy as buying groceries or fast food, but difficult like when you need to find right size of clothes or shoes it has to be right. You never know how much you miss a car until you don’t have one. I’ve been without a vehicle for a good month and some change waiting on the insurance company and it feels like a back & forth hassle to get it done buuuuuuuuuut I do what I must in the meantime between time. Luckily enough, family has come through to help me borrow one the old vehicles they have to get me around and handle my daily needs so I can’t complain and grateful that they came through when I needed it the most. For now, I just bide my time and go car (window) shopping until everything falls into place and be riding in style.
  • Guy wants (wanted) to fight me about his girl that I didn’t or don’t want. – This was a situation weeks ago that came out the blue late one night off of speculation, assumption, insecurity, and misguided anger that really wasn’t necessary or warranted in the slightest. On my part, I can attest that I had no intentions of doing anything he accused me of because the way I’m set up I got enough problems to worry about honestly but if this was the me of old (2016-2019), then altogether it would’ve been a different scenario.
  • Feel as if I’m “trapped” or not doing for me – I cannot pinpoint exactly when I felt “trapped” but I feel as if I’m not doing enough for myself or that if I try doing anything for myself it feels as if I’m wrong. It like when Squidward, from Spongebob says, “Why is it whenever I’m having fun it’s wrong”, and I be flabbergasted by it. Recently, I told someone I wanted to have a little me time on the weekend during the week of my birthday and they felt slighted by it and I didn’t take it to heart how they felt but I specifically wanted “ME TIME”, am I wrong for that? I didn’t think so I mean I can’t get time for myself back with things I actually want to do but I’m always busy and having take care of the business at hand, so when I get a little leeway I’m taking full advantage.
  • Not caring as much as I use to do – Over the past six years I noticed slowly but surely I became increasingly less caring to certain things or people. Not in a heartless way like saying “f*ck you” outright but in a way that looks at what is happening around me and see if it benefits me or affects (involves) me whether it be the minimalist of inconvenience or has my name attached. I’ve no problem hearing people out and giving them advice or the right way of going about certain things but I think a certain point it starts to become minute and feel as you done all you can and just stop caring. I’m typically am not this way but it has increase as I’m getting older or if there is a sudden change in my character that I can’t explain to myself why I am like that, or maybe I became immune to certain situations or experiences nevertheless I do what I always do and push forward in life.
  • Longing for peace internally and becoming “strong” – I longed for peace that I been missing for so long since adolescence. Now I feel as if I’m in this constant state of worrying about everything or everyone than my own person. It feel as if I need to be stronger not only physically but spiritually, mentally, and emotionally to chase after this peace. I know I can’t save everyone or do everything under the sun but I won’t feel satisfied til it feels like I can honestly and I know it’s only fool’s gold in the end. What I mean by “fool’s gold” is that it feels like I’m chasing a goal that is within reach but always seems far away no matter how much progress I make. It’s why I feel the need to become “strong” and do better not only for myself but for those around me hopefully making a difference somewhere or to someone no matter how frivolous the end goal may seem.

After spilling my guts somewhat I hope I can bridge the personal connection or enlighten you, the reader, to think about your own problems or look within yourself critically. Now, I’m not an expert at literature but using my own forms of jargon, slang, diction, and choice of words or phrases helps me communicate or express myself with these blogs I type. Writing (typing) these blogs in the way that I talk does more for me than it probably would for you or anyone else but hopefully it gives you clarity from my perspective on things, in this case, about me. I hope to have more blogs sooner than later or rather not so far in between the next but I’ll keep them coming regardless.

Until next blog, take care and be safe. – Rel

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BLOG #4: THE CLEANSE

As of me writing this blog currently, I have decided to cleanse myself from the grasps, clutches, or whatever play on words or analogy I can think of to escape the addiction that is SOCIAL MEDIA! Granted, social media is literally in the palm of my hands everyday it does not necessarily have to be on certain apps but it’s all around, pretty much the whole internet. In my case, I decided to delete that of Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, Messenger, and a few other apps OH YEAH even TikTok because just like drugs they are addicting and easily give some sort of instant gratification each time I opened up an app. The more I kept opening and closing and opening and closing I’m sitting there wondering to myself “My god, is there no other reason to be on these apps?” of course I’ll get a laugh here and there out of these apps or see how other people are living in their daily lives, but I literally spent my time that could be used to other areas of my life wasting away staring blank at these apps.

To compare it, is like comparing a drug addict looking for a quick fix, especially on TikTok. Let me start my little rant: I NEVER wanted to do TikTok, had NO INTENTIONS of using TikTok, and saw TikTok as a revamped, remastered, and remake of an old popular app known as Vine. TikTok literally sums up this generation now always looking for instant gratification not that slow, long burn, and buildup to a payoff that results in an original exciting story or a happy outcome. No, it’s the saying of “I NEED IT NOW!!!” and that’s the problem comparable to a drug user that needs a quick fix who wants to feel “that high”, in TikTok’s case, that quick six to between sixty seconds of laughter. I slowly saw myself getting hooked with each new video, every swipe whether up or down, every new trend or trending topics, and especially every new satire or just something creative that catches my eye. I tried quitting TikTok a few times but the more I tried the more I saw myself coming back to that same “fix” and even started creating content myself to varying success. Immediately, I found myself under the influence and hypnosis that TikTok had on the masses (not literally but you get my drift), at that point. I knew I had to quit social media (for awhile).

Now, I’m giving Myself 30 days to accomplish any goals or complete any projects I once began and never finished without distraction. This will be the bar to see if I really can focus on the tasks at hand and be successful in my ventures. Otherwise, all of this will be for naught if I don’t see any self-growth within myself to get it done or be stumped in getting it all done. At the end of 30 days I will post another blog detailing my little journey and all the wonders this little sabbatical will have taught me in the process. I can truly say this I don’t believe it will be hard to be without social media aside from missing out on trending memes, seeing commentary from others on topics in the world, and that “connection” to others but it’ll be okay because it is not the end all be all for me. I’m gladly looking forward to this challenge and see where it takes me but I encourage you guys to do the same every once in a while too.

Until Next Blog, take care you guys and check back later – Rel

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Blog #1: Down Bad but Still Going

You ever just go through a rough patch in your life, nothing is going right and it doesn’t seem to get better, but somehow you still got the will to press forward regardless of the obstacles. Look, I know the feeling personally and mutually speaking, because I been there before and it’s not a good feeling but I still felt the need to press forward. I pressed forward because I knew those rough patches would eventually become anew and the good times would come rolling in again.

In order to get to the highest of highs we must experience the lowest of lows. Picture the lowest moment in your life and compare that to where you are currently in your life. Think of the sequence of events that led you to be at your lowest in life, and now think of the steps you took to get yourself out of that low point, yes, it took some time and work but it also taught you a valuable lesson: that’d you will never put or see yourself at the point ever again in your life.

Let it be known that it doesn’t matter the stature or the social status of a person, EVERYONE goes through SOMETHING. Celebrities, regular people, and even the homeless go through different struggles in life. Celebrities deal with the everyday pressure of keeping up their daily or sporadic appearances, stepping on eggshells when it comes to addressing the public and carefully wording what they say when social issues arise, and more importantly how they conduct themselves too. The common folk or regular people, like us, we go through almost everyday struggle whether minimal or substantial. It would be a no-brainer for us to trade places with celebrities and have that security to be secure with no worries of everyday life but that is not the case. From wondering how to navigate everyday life, figuring out how to solve personal problems, and simply just making it in a world that does not owe you anything. Us common folk we will always make a way, we will always find a way, and damn sure do what we do to get our way. To be quick and frank on the homeless, I’m not saying they love their situation(s), but they know how to make the best of it whether they love it or hate it. To some it might be the best thing to them with no worries at all about living and to most they don’t like their situation and wish they made better decisions in their life.

Albeit, keep going forward. You might take a peep and look back on past situations but DO NOT let IT or YOU impede your progress. Take note of your improvements not only within yourself but to your overall well being and around you. Whether it be physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or in any facet of your life do not let bad experiences impede your growth in life. Let those experiences marinate in you and you grow from them because down the line it’ll show whether you learned or doomed to repeat past mistakes.

These definitely are some trying times we’re going through, not just me, but everyone around the world. I won’t nor will I ever tell people, or you, how to feel about yourself or situations but I will say this: TRUST AND BELIEVE EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT!!! Tough times don’t last but you have all the time in the world to make sure they never happen again (or often). In the end, be safe and take care of yourselves, only person that’s going to look out for you is you and never depend on anyone else for YOUR NEEDS. People don’t care about your problems, honestly they glad you got them because misery loves company.

Take care, be safe, and catch the next blog.

BLOG #7: Believe In You

“Imagine you work your whole life for a dream. To reach it, you have to compete against people taking shortcuts. Imagine those shortcuts lead them ahead of you. Imagine that dream falls away, likely never to return. Imagine a twist of fate suddenly goes your way, and that dream is again in play. Then imagine no one believes you can actually reach it.”

That quote I posted I want to say was from 2015 or 2017 I believe from UFC fighter, Michael Bisping, and that has stuck with me ever since. I’ve posted that quote many a times before and some people took it to heart aside from my 7p’s quote (Piss Poor Performance Prevents Prior Proper Planning).

Many a times we never believe in ourselves to pursue a passion, job, opportunity, or some new venture to improve our standing in life for many reasons. Speaking for myself, I am at a crossroads for doing just that, because I feel as if I need more than what I currently have in order to do what I want instead of working with what I have. I have many ideas and my creativity is at its best when I really sit down and put thought into what I want to do. Sometimes I do get beside myself and wonder how other people obtain the resources, finances, or means to do what they do but I can’t focus too much on other peoples’ gains.

The feeling I get to want more for myself is astounding at times but more or less it puts me in a position of wondering how to achieve such goals. I feel as if I can do the work, work hard or harder than the next person, and put it all together, but I feel a “block” mentally that stops me entirely. Whether it’s putting it all together or actually finding the time and resources may be reason for the “block” but I feel as I need to be stronger mentally to overcome it if I’m being honest. Too much unfulfilled potential to not do anything with myself to be useful not only for me but to the betterment and benefit of those around me.

Honestly, I just need that one “push” to just say “look Rel, it’s okay to try something different and new as long as you say you did your best at it.” That’s what I’d love to hear but ultimately I have to convince myself fully and be committed to what I want to do and not half-ass it for the sake of just doing it. I know I’ll come around out of this rough little patch I’m in because these moments don’t last forever only a temporary stay until a change happens.

As for you, the reader, you too should never limit yourself from your goals or stop your own personal progress. If it ever feel as if you should stop doing what you are doing then you should find more reasons to continue doing a passion that you love. Stopping your own potential is a detriment to your growth and impedes any progress that can be made going forward. I implore you, the reader, confine finding ways to improve your standing in life and do more with yourself in more ways than one because you never know what can happen tomorrow.

“As always, take care and be safe until next blog.” – Rel

REL IS TALK: KING KONG ON MY BACK

Summary

REL IS BACK TO GIVE THE LATEST HAPPENINGS WITH HIMSELF (covid recovery, a fight, job issue, etc.), THE MISCELLANEOUS OF THE WORLD TODAY, AND TELLING YOU WHY HAVING KING KONG ON YOUR BACK IS JUST ONE HELL OF A HASSLE. ALL THAT AND MORE ON REL IS TALK 

Let’s Connect On Social Media 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/j_rel/ 🐦 Twitter: https://mobile.twitter.com/keepsitrel 👻Snapchat: https://www.snapchat.com/add/yaboyrel 🎥🎙Podcast : https://anchor.fm/jariel-smith 🌲LinkTree: https://linktr.ee/Rel95 RhymersBlock: https://public.rhymersblock.net/user/hXvexEPh8o Blog: https://relistalk.wordpress.com/ ——– Contact Me Here ———- 📥 Email : righthandjds95@yahoo.com or righthandjds22@gmail.com Send me emails with fan questions or just any love and admiration for the show. ——– Support Me Here ———- 💵CashApp: $JarielSmith 🅿️ Paypal: https://www.paypal.me/Rel95 — This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/jariel-smith/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jariel-smith/support

Transcription

BLOG #5: A NEW YORK MINUTE

(NOTE: Originally to be published January 24th, 2022. Rest and Healing took priority.)

BAM!!!!

Just like that, I was in a car wreck. Before it all happened I went about my day like I typically would, but lo and behold there were different plans in the works. It’s like someone made a last minute re-write to a script to add more drama or make something more tense or emotional. The car wreck was all three in a nutshell. Definitely, this wasn’t my first car wreck nor will it (I pray it is) be my last car wreck because things like that just happens. I thank God it didn’t go any other way.

I know certain things or events happen all over the world but when something happens to you ESPECIALLY when you least expect it kind of takes you by surprise. That car wreck took me by surprise because I typically go about my day like normal and that threw a wrench into my day/plans. Planned to make some stops before heading to work, then outta nowhere, like I said before about rewriting a script for drama, tension, or emotional drama, that happens.

I’ll say that I am grateful for being alive because who knows how else that could’ve turned out. I may be bruised and beat up but I definitely am alive and well, almost like I cheated death, fortunately it isn’t my time yet and I got more living to do. I’d be remiss to not say the experience shook me because it’s been awhile since I last been in a wreck so to experience it again recently threw me for a big loop. The biggest takeaway and plus for me was I did not have my son with me because I had just dropped off his car seat beforehand. I thought, “what if he was with me when that happened?”, and luckily he wasn’t there to be involved with that, I would’ve lost my mind and sense of urgency only thinking of his concern if was with me.

I’m not the only person in the world that’s been in wrecks but next time well I hope it isn’t a next time because I do not want to deal with that ever again. In the end, all is well, I’m doing a little better I may have lost my car but I still have my life more importantly. From here on out I just gotta be careful moving forward even if I don’t cause anything I just have to be vigilant and mindful of everything around me. Like I said: GLAD TO STILL BE ALIVE!!!

Until next Blog, you guys take care and be easy – Rel

BLOG #3: 2022, LET GO & TAKE RISK

What’s the cliché, “New Year, New Me”, well that should not be the mantra to go by anymore ya know since the times have really changed for better and worse. While you, as an individual, will always be you no matter what unless you decide to change your overall character to fit a new mindset, I believe it is best to figure out what works for you and what doesn’t work for you no matter the year. No one should let the new year dictate if they should be “brand new” because of what society “mandates” or figure you should follow the trend of what everyone else does, but at least in the end be you and do what is best for you. Speaking for myself, I only went through changes within myself dealing from certain experiences within different years some good some bad. Those experiences changed me, not just a different year, well technically you could say the year, but for those who understand what I mean you get where I’m coming from in a sense.

As the new year begins think of the extra baggage you carried in 2021 and to that I say, “THE HELL WITH IT!!!!”. RIGHT NOW, I won’t beat the dead horse that everyone spreads on social media and tell you “New year, New Me” as I explained already I’m here to tell you: LEVEL THE F*CK UP! Yes, it’s time to level up, no more holding yourself back from what could’ve, should’ve, and would’ve been but JUST DOING IT (like NIKE). In 2021 I held myself back tremendously because of the limitations I set upon myself and not looking at the long term but not really wanting to risk my comfort zone. I understand just as much as anyone else that leaving your comfort zone is a huge risk in itself but taking those big leaps of faith are also very much huge risk that may carry reward in the end. I told myself, “Rel, this year it’s all about leveling up and getting back to basics.” because I wasn’t focused nor strict in keeping align with my goals and when push came to shove I faltered at the alter with my tail between my legs like a scolded dog. For me, I knew better but I kept getting away from what I had as my end goal but the more I got away from it the more comfortable I got with being that way and I would not want that to repeat itself ESPECIALLY by my own hands.

To put in perspective, I did what anyone would do I went to the wayside but now I’m getting myself back on track this time with some reassurance for myself. To ensure I won’t make the same mistakes I implore you, the reader, is to consistently tell yourself (me included), “Stop being silly and look at what you’re doing.” If you feel you won’t accomplish your goals this year then stop whatever it is you have planned and go back to the complacent you that doesn’t want to achieve heights of greatness or put yourself on a higher plain of success because at this point your wasting time and opportunity. Time isn’t waiting on me, you, or anyone so let 2022 be the start, let yourself be the catalyst for your change and success this year, and let the coming of 2023 be the end or reflection on what was and is to come down the road. ONLY PERSON STOPPING YOU IS YOU!!!

In the end, let’s all be great in our endeavors whatever they may be whether on a small scale, a grand scale, or hell whatever importance you dictate it to be for yourself just be great. As for me I’m keeping myself to the same standard if not a little higher because I got goals to accomplish and little milestones to reach and they won’t be done unless I push myself everyday. 2022 has only begun and there is sure to be a lot more in store as we get further along in the year, so make the year count for what it is worth because having regrets about what you could’ve done different won’t change anything unless you do for today and (hopefully) tomorrow not worrying about yesterday. LETS MAKE THIS YEAR COUNT AND ONE FOR THE BOOKS PEOPLE!!!!!!

As always take care and I’ll see you guys next blog – Rel